Guilt Is Out, Happiness Is In

    Sometimes just when things seem to be going so well, guilt rears it's ugly head. It's as though it lay dormant secretly waiting for you to overcome many obstacles to get to this place that would be perfect except for the guilt.

    For others, guilt is with them steadily and has been since early childhood when it was used to manipulate them into sharing toys with another or behaving for Mom.

    How innocently and well meaning do our early caretakers declare us guilty? How unwittingly do they sew the seeds of life-long guilt?

    There is an opinion that guilt is good and necessary in keeping people in line. I do not agree.

    There are many that were told that they were bad, useless, unworthy, etc. for so long that they believe it. If one were so judged by those that supposedly loved him, it is natural that he would believe himself guilty as charged. And believing it, he is likely to act out that which he believes himself to be.

    There are many indoctrinated into the theory that all people are guilty and therefore they must also be guilty. He is a person who feels he knows right from wrong and struggles constantly in battle against what he believes he truly is - a sinner. Seeking redemption can come as a high price to pay. The pain laid upon the transgressee could be too much to handle, especially if that one also believes in guilt. Guilt is villian now for two people in pain yet the transgression is in the past. it is over and gone but ruins today and possibly a relationship because a mistake is being mentally relived now and expressed now as guilt.

    By holding youself guilty, you leave the door open to your judgments of others too. See yourself, as having made forgivable mistakes and it's so much easier to see another in the same light. And what difference does that make? A lot. If indeed someone is guilty of a transgression against you - you feel angry, hurt, betrayed. But, if that same act was a mistake, the potential for a deep wound is lessoned. You experience less pain, anger, etc.

    To aleve yourself of guilt , it is only necessary to understand that no one is responsible for anyone else's happiness. Each of us is totally in charge of our own happiness. It is impossible to be guilty of hurting another's happiness if that person is the only one responsible for it. Another's mistake can have only so much effect on your happiness as you decide it will and vice versa.

    Owning responsibility for your own happiness empowers yourself and others. Love and happiness as with guilt are unusual in that as much as you give it, you still get to keep it. Yet the old adage still holds true, "You can't give what you don't have."

    I've listed just a few hints in your efforts to undo your guilt and own your happiness. 1) Love yourself and forgive yourself for past mistakes. Learn from them, but don't let the mistakes effect the present. 2) Be truthful first and foremost to yourself. 3) Live up to any commitment you make. Don't make any commitment under pressure. 4) Do your best at what ever you agree to undertake for your own self worth. 5) Speak up for yourself. Don't let anyone manipulate you. If they don't like who you are when you're being honest about how you feel - you don't need to be with those people.

    Just be the wonderful guiltless person you are. Take responsibility for your own happiness and be happy.