Everyone wants to plan your wedding!

    So you thought the hard part was behind you. After all the trials and errors, you finally found the right guy. If you think all the unwanted advice and criticisms are in the past - hold onto your hat. When it comes to planning a wedding, opinions come out of the woodwork. Suggestions will be afforded, ideas shoved in your face and criticisms sarcastically inserted, with salt, into any open wound.

    Don't let anyone intrude upon your white cloud or tarnish it with stress. Be willing to stand your ground, when the avalanche starts. Firstly, and most impotantly, never respond directly to the suggestion but immediately thank the person for his/her concern. Explain to them that at this point there are so many things on your mind to consider that you're not likely to remember even the most helpful information unless it is written down for your review. Gently insist that their opinions, ideas and hints are greatly valued if in written form. Explain that you are actively seeking thoughts on the subject from all interested parties. Let them know that before you make the final decision, you will review all written suggestions, ideas, etc. Assure them that by doing it this way, nothing should be misunderstood, forgotten, or overlooked.

    You might explain that if there are opposing points of view concerning an issue, the majority would like to prevail. If it is particularly sensitive in nature an uninvolved 3rd. party would be brought in.

    Ask them to include in their written list of suggestions more than they originally intended to say but of a different nature that might actually be helpful to you. Ask them to include such things as who is allergic to what food or flowers. Who won't come if so and so is invitied too. This will help change their attitude from being critical to actually giving you help. Even critical and self absorbed people respond to an apparent willingness to have their point of view heard and given due consideration. This process allows sugestee to feel valued and yet you have made no promise or intention to do anything their way.

    By this time, you must realize why it is so important to ask for all suggestions in writing - but just in case : 1) Most people, unless their motives are truly supportive, won't bother to write anything down. 2) It avoids an unpleasant discussion in which you might feel coerced or intimidated and say or promise something you may regret later. 3) It will make it easier should you decide not to honor their suggestion. How? A) If they didn't write it down as you requested, you didn't remember as you thought you might not. B) You did tell them that the majority would rule and they were in the minority. C) You felt it necessary to seek outside professional help - and you did.

    The main thing to remember is not to be forced into an uncomfortable situation. Keep thanking them for their concern, stay cool, and don't give up any information or decisions until you are ready. "I'll let you know about that just as soon as the decision has been made." Keep walking on those clouds and don't let anyone drag you down.